A Song For Dawn
by dannygurl
Summary: Dawn Has a Secret but what happens when everyone else finds out?


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"Song For Dawn" Chapter one: The Confession I looked up at his eyes. He knew something was wrong, he always knew. I guess it's a Vampy thing. Just looking into his gaze made me want to shed tears. I felt so different. So ashamed of myself; so dirty. "Bit what's wrong?" The Blonde vamp asked. He had to use that stupid nickname he had for me! It got me mad cause I knew now I couldn't really lie to him, and I hated him for it. It was hard enough just thinking about the past events of the night before, I really didn't want to talk about it. "Nothing's wrong." I lied. Like that would work! He knew I was lying. I guess anyone with half a brain could see it just by hearing the shake in my voice or looking at the fright in my features. "Don't you even dare lie to me." He spoke sternly. "You're the only one I can trust in this bloody world and I'm not about to lose that cause you have yourself a lil' bloody secret!" I could tell he was serious. I saw the hurt in his face, just the thought that I might lie to him. He was right, we only had each other in this world. Just him, and me it meant I had to tell him. "Ok, I'll tell you." I took a deep breath in and exhaled. "Umm, yesterday after school, well after practice. I ran into these guys from my math class and well they." I broke off there as tears came rushing down my cheeks. He grabbed me and pulled me into him hugging me with all his strength. I wasn't sure he knew what exactly had happened. So I pulled out of his embrace and wiped away new tears. I took another breath and exhaled once more. "They. Raped me." I whispered. Hearing the words was almost unreal to me. It was as if I didn't believe it at all, even though I lived through it. "I'll kill them." He almost mumbled to himself "Don't tell anyone please. Especially Buffy. She'll flip out and I just don't want to deal with that. It's too much right now." I requested. "Look Dawn, she has to know sooner or later. Don't you think she'd want to be there for you and help you out?" He asked. "Please Spike, just promise you won't tell Buffy." I pleaded " Tell Me What?" Buffy asked, coming into the room.  
  
Chapter Two: Everyone Knows  
  
"Nothing" I replied nervously. What had she heard? I hope she didn't hear everything, or anything. "What are you keeping from me?" she looked back and forth between the two and resting her eyes on Spike knowing that he had a weak spot for her (Obviously). "It's nothin' Slayer so don't worry about it.' Spike covered I could tell she knew something was going on and by the look on her face, she was getting frustrated. "You guys better tell me what's going on. I'm serious." She demanded Spike and I looked at each other. He could see the fear in my eyes, and the tears were welling up. "Buffy, Really, it's nothing." I said "Then why don't you want me to know?" she asked. "I know something's going on and I want to know." "Really! Nothing's going on, I just got into some trouble at school." I yelled. "Dawn! I can't believe you! What did you do?" she demanded "I got into a fight." I somewhat lied. It was kind of the truth. I did put up a fight and people, meaning me, did get hurt. "A fight? Don't you know better than that? God dawn! Your almost 18 years old, you really need to grow up." She said. "Grow up? You're the one who was always getting into fights when you were my age. It's not fair that you can do things and I can't! It wasn't even my fault! They came after me!" I yelled at her "Well fine, tell me what happened." She asked "Not much happened. I got ganged up on and they won." I explained "Are you hurt?" she asked showing a little concern "I'll be fine.' I sighed I noticed now that spike was giving me an uneasy look. I knew I could trust him not to tell her exactly what really happened but I also knew that was something I should be doing right now. Buffy looked at Spike and right then I knew she had realized the whole truth wasn't out in the open yet. "Ok, now tell me what really happened." She said "What do you mean?" I asked playing dumb "Dawn, come on. This is getting old now. Just tell me." She was now growing frustrated. I decided I better just tell her because if I didn't she wouldn't drop the subject until I did tell her. "Well I did get into a fight, it's just not what you think." I started "Then what happened?" she asked "Well, I was leaving swimming practice and these guys kind of jumped me and I couldn't really do anything cause they came up from behind. It was so fast.' I started crying again. And spike rushed to my side. I pushed him away though. Knowing that if I let him hold me this would never get out in the open. "They raped me Buffy." I finally confessed. I immediately glanced downward at the floor, feeling more ashamed then I had when telling Spike. She seemed shocked almost. Like she didn't really know what to say. Without a word she pulled me into a hug and started crying. "I'm so sorry dawn. I should have been there. I should have protected you." She apologized "It's not your fault buffy. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. That's all. Don't blame yourself please." I begged We didn't say much after that. Just cried together. It felt good, getting things off my chest but I still couldn't help feeling like everything was my fault and that God just hated me and wanted to punish me for everything bad I ever did. Was there even a God? If there was where was he all those times when things just sucked? Like when mom died? Or when Buffy died? Or Tara? Wow, maybe if there was a God he just wanted me to suffer by killing off everyone I care about. What next? Spike? Would he take Spike away from me? He was just about the only person I had left in this world. He wasn't even a person though. He's a vampire. A dead, cold, and lifeless vampire. I went to bed that night with the same thoughts running through my head. And yet they were so random. Mostly though, I thought I had been left all alone in the world. I had no faith. Nothing to believe in. I woke up the next morning and rolled over on my side. I could smell something cooking down stairs. I couldn't even think about what it could be though. My brain wasn't even functioning. Maybe it was because of all the thoughts in my head. They were just crammed in my head so tight that there wasn't enough room for another. Or maybe I had just been too tired, that I couldn't think straight. I got up out of bed and walked over to my dresser. I tried really hard to avoid the mirror but I couldn't. I glanced up meaning to look back down just as quick, but I couldn't. It was as if my eyes were glued to the reflection. I couldn't move. I just stared. I could see a little bruise around my eye where I had been hit. It wasn't all that noticeable but since I knew it was there it stuck out like a sore thumb. Then I got some courage and for the first time, I reached around and felt the back of my head. The bump stuck out and just feeling how swollen it was, was making me nauseous. I pulled my hand back down to my side. I looked at my own glazed over eyes, wiped away a tear then walked away from the mirror and down to loud banter in the kitchen. I looked around and noticed the whole Scooby gang standing around the island. The second I walked in they looked at me with their glaring eyes. They knew. I knew they knew. She told them, she betrayed me. I couldn't even believe it. "Hey dawn. Why don't you sit down? We need to talk ok?" buffy said I sat down next to buffy and xander, who gave me a sympathetic smile. "I was talking to Willow this morning and we think that maybe it would be good for you to go to a group. I think it could help you sort of get over this whole thing. What do you think?" buffy asked "I don't know if I can talk about it to strangers." I whispered "Well, what if you tried it. Just go to one class ok?" She urged. I looked up at Spike who was standing alone in the corner. "What do you think?" I asked him. "Huh? Uhhh.I don't know bit. I think it might be good to try at least once. Couldn't really hurt right?" he asked "I guess not. Ok sure I guess I'll go." I gave in.  
  
**~This part is based on a song so it might rhyme a little. Just a warning~**  
Chapter Three: Group Time  
  
"Hi, I'm Dawn. Sorry I'm late." I greeted as I walked into the room glancing around at the other girls. "That's ok, have a seat." Bobby (the counselor) said. "Thanks." I replied Dawn, I know you just walked in but would you consider sharing first?" Bobby asked "Ok." I said getting a little scared. I took a deep breath, " Hi, my name's Dawn." "Welcome to our group." He Said "Listen thanks, I really didn't want to come. It took that extra push from my friends to get me here. Anyway, you know it's hard to talk about and explain the day I was Ummm, you know raped." I started "Go ahead Dawn, we're listening we understand." He said trying to sympathize with me. "You understand? You can't!" I yelled furious at his comment. " Unless you've ever had a man shove his hands down your pants, with no consent. Shove you in your face and leave you there bleeding. Then he leaves the scene, nobody saw what took place and your left there dazed, just staring at the ceiling with these sinister faces just pacing in your memory. Can't even muster up the strength to yell Somebody HELP ME! And I'm like death, dragging out of bed every morning with this in my head, it's incessant, it doesn't want to end! There's this feeling of loss of control cause they stole the one thing they know I hold close and defend. And I live my life as though nothing's changed and I'll pretend but this never ending question is just spinning in my head, why do bad things have to happen to good people? I wish I could just believe humanity wasn't so see through but I can't. Cause this darkness just surrounds me like a cloud. Why would God teach me how to swim just to watch me drown?" I finished my rant and realized I felt a little better but also realized I had tears streaming down my face and I had just yelled at a bunch of strangers. I felt so stupid at the moment. I got up out of my seat, still crying and ran out the door, never once looking back. I ran out side and down the street. Feeling as though I couldn't go any further I stumbled to the ground and just lay there crying. I sat up and put my head in my hands. I couldn't believe how bad life had gotten for me. Everything was just horrible. "I wish I were dead." I said to no one in particular. "Oh, don't say that love." A familiar English accent retorted I should have known he'd be there. Even though I was seriously lost and unaware of my surroundings, he was still there. He was always there when I needed him, whether I thought I needed him or not. "Hey Spike." I greeted " I take it group didn't go that well." He assumed "Why do you say that?" I asked "Well for starters, Buffy dropped you off like Fifteen minutes ago and you're already out. Second you're having a breakdown on the side of a street that you've never been on before." He replied all knowingly "Good observations." I mumbled "So you want to talk about it?" he asked. "Not really, I flipped out in front of the group and started crying and all. It was pretty bad." I confessed "I'm sorry love. Sounds Bloody hard going through all this." He apologized "Yea." I let out a slight laugh, "You know, I never thought of life being like this. You grow up and think that life will be perfect. You'll grow up get married have kids and grow old. I don't think my own death really crossed my mind when I was little. I never even thought about me sitting here, recently gang raped talking about it with a vampire, No offense." I acknowledged "Bit, I don't think anyone can predict where life will take them. I never thought I'd be alive in 2000 but here I am, a vampire. Especially when you're little, bad thoughts just don't enter your mind. But this bloody world just jades your mind and soon here you are." He tried to explain. "Yea, I guess you're right. I just got to be strong and get over this right?" I asked "I think you're getting it." He replied He stood up and offered me his hand. I took it without hesitation and smiled at him. "I think I'm going to go back to group next week."  
Chapter Four: Everything out in the open  
  
"I want to welcome everyone to week two of our support group. Would anyone like to volunteer to go first?" Bobby asked. "I will.' I offered raising my hand. Dawn, thanks for volunteering." He replied "Hi, it's me Dawn. Remember me? Listen I wanted to say I'm sorry for my outburst last week. But I think I'm ready now to share my story with the group but please understand, this wasn't due to anything I pulled and I'll admit I hid the truth from my friends, from my peers. Scared they'd stop being dependent, wouldn't dare to come near. Do they think I spread my legs willingly? Would they think I'm loose refusing to believe I'm not just making up this story? I was dealing with this instance; I was haunted with this fear. Clear I didn't believe this and I wasn't allowing tears. Insecurity. Are they staring at me as I pass in school? I can't stand the odor of a chlorinated pool, cause that's when it all flashes back and I react to that night after practice pulling off my swimming cap when that backpack just smashed me in my face and as I tried to catch myself all I could see in the place are bright lights in my eyes. Blinding me from the surprise of five guys from my algebra class. This all happened so fast." **~~**SHUT UP SLUT! KEEP YOU"RE MOUTH SHUT THEY WON"T BELIEVE YOU ANYWAY!**~~** "I tried to refrain from screaming out in pain but I wait for an ending to this day cause they won't go away. They're just embedded in my head. 'This whore is stained'. Why should I try to even cry, to even pray? I wish that I could end my life, cause I don't want to live today." I started really crying as I finished my story. They were all staring at me. Eyes all fixated on me. I felt like running out once more but I didn't. I looked at them all and kept crying. I couldn't stop. Everything was out in the open and they all knew my secret, my feelings. What'd they think of me now? I seemed paranoid to myself, did they see that too? I looked around at the group and I noticed they were here for me and they did know what was going on with me cause they all had their own stories to share. It seemed to me that things were a little better. I stayed until the end of group and walked out feeling a little better about everything. Not as alone. As I got outside, I saw Spike leaning against a tree. He looked up and saw me glancing over at him. He gave a little smile and walked over to me. "How you doing bit?" he asked "It actually went pretty good. I told them everything and they understood everything. Like how I felt and stuff." I explained "Well that's good, I'm glad it helped you out. Are you ready to go home now?" he asked "Yea, I Am." I took his hand and we walked home.  
  
Chapter five: Thank You  
  
~Two Months Later~ "Alright everybody listen up, we're going to start group in about five minutes." "Uh, Bobby?" "Hey Dawn how you been?" "Could I talk to you for a minute?" "Definitely, we can talk in the other room right now." 'Listen, I want to let you know that I'm doing good, it's just I've had things on my mind and I've been waiting for the right time to let you know I've realized you try to bring light to young lives and really speak and reach inside and open up our eyes. I was reminded of the time I told you about my life that I told you of my life changing afternoon at school in early June and how you took my hands and prayed the lord would guide me through the things I had to do for my self renewal. And that I was a victim of some sick pathetic losers but my maker sees me as a beautiful precious jewel that's profound. I was ashamed, couldn't raise my eyes off the ground but now I'm seeing changes and I'm turning things around. There's that question that question that was dancing in my mind, well I found an answer and it's freeing me. I'm breaking lose no longer bound. You know that question about good people having bad things happen? I didn't understand you're reply the first time that I asked it but now I see the answer is as simple as the question. It's that God disperses blessings but man remains man. With the free will to fill their lives sustaining God's plan or to take circumstances, mold them in heir own hands. And deliberately hurt another person for the purpose of perverted self service making victims feel worthless, but I'm not, cause God's got me in his arms and I believe you when you say he wants me out of harms way. So I'm praying everyday for his grace and I recognize his face. I know he'll wait cause he understands these trials that I face and he's got bigger plans for me. I took a stand today. No more waiting, these seeds are growing in anticipation of a blossom that's responding to the sun. once again I'm having fun. No more hesitation, now I'm praising him for his love with no conditions and for listening with patience he showed. He entered in my heart today, I made that invitation. Cause sometimes bad things they happen to good people, but god embraces lives and he'll mold you and he'll teach you. He taught me how to raise other lives off the ground. I'm swimming now, cause he'd never let me drown." 


End file.
